Category Archives: Rumor Mill
Sarah Palin Critisizes Herself for Trig Remark
“I would just like apologize for my outburst after Trig had rubbed chocolate cake into the carpet was completely unwelcome. I should have known better, he sure didn’t.”
-Sarah Palin Continue reading
Filed under Editorial, High Comedy, Rumor Mill
Brees Dedicates Victory to Birthmark
The all-pro quarterback was born with a massive mole on his right cheek, which is approximately the same size and texture of a caterpillar. At age 3, Brees’s parents considered having the mole removed, but decided against surgery after their family doctor guaranteed that it would only cause him emotional pain.
Filed under Global Stuff, High Comedy, Rumor Mill
Billy Joel Suffers Heart Attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack
Billy Joel, the internationally famous songwriter, suffered a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack yesterday in his penthouse apartment in Manhattan, and was rushed to Mt. Sinai Hospital. His condition has been upgraded to stable. “It was a real eye opener for me,” said … Continue reading
Filed under Rumor Mill
John Edwards Found Murdered
“I couldn’t have done this without your blood thirsty cries for my husband’s severed head,” said Elizabeth in a prepared statement. “I did it to break the glass ceiling for the abused wives of scummy politicians everywhere. Let’s nail their balls to a tree!”
Filed under Dead Celebrity Gossip, National News, Rumor Mill
Brett Favre To Announce Retirement, We’re Not Buying It.
There is no way Farve will be able to satiate the giant egotistical monster that lives inside of his own mind, driving him mad with fevered delusions like the creature Gollum in Lord of The Rings
Filed under Editorial, Global Stuff, National News, Rumor Mill
BIGGIE SMALLS STILL ALIVE
Finished with the rap industry, rumor has it that for years, Biggie Smalls had been racking his brain in search for the perfect way to re-enter the business. With his only two other options being VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club, and Dancing with the Stars, hope was almost gone…. Continue reading
Filed under Dead Celebrity Gossip, Global Stuff, Local News, National News, Rumor Mill
Obama Hates on Retards
“I am just overwhelmed,” claimed Beck as he dipped his tongue in a jar of grape jelly. He later pulled out his blackboard and drew a picture of a house with some grass and oversized windows, but there was no orange sun.
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Filed under Editorial, Global Stuff, High Comedy, National News, Rumor Mill
Heidi Montag Commits Suicide to Advance Her Career
Of all the celebrity deaths that have taken place recently, none was more anticipated than Heidi Montag’s. The 25 year old starlet was found face down in her apartment on Friday morning after having swallowed mass quantities of Drāno, apparently on advice from her agent.
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Filed under Dead Celebrity Gossip, National News, Rumor Mill
Hey Mickey, You Blew My Mind
“So, I did an extreme close up of a rat’s eye, threw in a pipe organ played by a blind midget, spliced it with howling dogs, and let the camera roll for four and a half hours. The children get to make their own movie.”
- David Lynch Continue reading
Filed under Editorial, Global Stuff, High Comedy, Local News, Rumor Mill
Michael Biehn to Play Military Role
Michael Biehn, the veteran actor of romantic comedies, is happy to take a change of venue and star in an action movie role. Due to release in August of next year, Michael Biehn will star in the lead role of … Continue reading
Filed under National News, Rumor Mill
