Author Archives: vondrook
Terrorist Group Severs Ties with Nissan
FRANKLIN, TN—For the past 17 years, Nissan Motors has had the distinction of being the official car maker of the world’s most dangerous terrorist organization. But, a pair of failed car bombings has forced Al-Laddin to end their partnership with the Japanese automobile company. Continue reading
Filed under Global Stuff, High Comedy
Mayor Nutter Does The Impossible!
“He is crack personified,” Nutter added. “No, no, he isn’t just ‘crack,’ he is bigger than crack; he is Baby Shoes Galaxia!”
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Filed under Local News
NBC’s Celebrity Apprentice Renamed “Celebrity” Apprentice
“Let’s face it: these people are not celebrities; they’re punch-lines, has-beens, phonies, idiots, drug addicts, and most likely all have at least one STD.” Continue reading
Filed under High Comedy
The Burning Question
Could you be friends with an alien?
Renowned Astroturfphysicist Stephen Hawking doesn’t think it’s a good idea. In fact, Hawking believes that you should steer clear of any extraterrestrials, even if they were to offer you eternal life—or even a piece of candy—just to come aboard their ship.
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Filed under Global Stuff, Survey
Inner City Ice Cream Truck Actually Sells Ice Cream, Cones
Philadelphia, PA—Crack-heads surrounding North Philadelphia’s Diamond Street were terribly dismayed yesterday after discovering that their usual ice cream truck full of crack was actually selling ice cream. “It be bullshit,” said Derrick Thomas, a 6 year crack addict and frequent … Continue reading
Filed under High Comedy
Goldman Sachs’ CEO Reports to Congress to be Kicked in the Nuts
Lloyd Blankfein showed up early this morning in Washington wearing a well-pressed suite and a new tie. Congress had ordered Blankfein to appear before them to be repeatedly kicked in the nuts until they are satisfied that he is sorry for the pain and misery his company has cause this country. Continue reading
Filed under Global Stuff, High Comedy, Local News, National News
Green Liberals Protest Volcano
ICELAND- The members of the Center for Reasonable and Appreciated Politics traveled to Iceland last week to protest the active volcano which began erupting on April 15. “Of all the weeks for Earth to pull this shit,” said Steven Hills, … Continue reading
Filed under Global Stuff
New Jersey Looking to Raise Revenue
PERTH AMBOY, NJ—Students at John Francis Bongiovi Elementary School learned a very expensive lesson when Governor Chris Christie paid them a visit on Friday. Christie used the question-and-answer session with Miss Albadato’s second-grade class to outline his newest plan to raise revenue for the ailing state economy. Continue reading
Filed under High Comedy, Local News
