Gorilla Murders Human

Cocoa the gorilla is in deep shit  

Furious Kelly – Vondrook Contributor  

Cocoa the gorilla plotting

New York NY- Are all gorillas murderers? The NYPD seems to think so. On Monday Cocoa, a young silverback gorilla from the Brooklyn Zoo, attacked a drunken visitor who had stumbled into the ape’s pen. When the authorities arrived, Cocoa had killed the intruder and was trying to hide the body behind some nearby ferns. Cocoa is being charged with Murder I. If convicted in court, Cocoa could face the death sentence.

District Attorney Bobby Suds had this to say, “I intend to prove that ape planned this. Everyone thought he was painting bananas. Looking at it another way, those are guns.”

Liberal pussy Paul Evens is calling for Cocoa’s immediate release, claiming that the murderous ape was only “acting on instinct.” He also claims that there is no “legal precedent” for trying an animal for murder in the United States. 

 Bobby Suds disagrees, “Liberals think I’m incapable of successfully prosecuting an ape. Texas’s been frying apes for years.” 

Texas is well known for their public executions of the mentally handicapped, children, and apes. Last year alone Texas executed seventeen apes and a giraffe named Jimmy. The only execution of an ape on record in New York was in 1943 when Peanut the chimpanzee was convicted of being a Nazi sympathizer. 

 While the elements of the case are still being considered, raging mobs circle the jailhouse, calling for justice on the confused and often times frightened animal. And with public sentiment in favor of a gorilla hanging, it will be that much harder to make the case that Cocoa is just a gorilla doing what gorillas do when their habitat is disturbed.