Furious Kelly | Vondrook Contributor
Minnesota MN- After nineteen seasons, two Super Bowl trips, a championship ring, four joint replacements, and twenty-seven gallons of Bengay, Brett Favre has announced yet another retirement from football. By all accounts this can only mean Favre is ready to again drag his fans, team, and family through the emotional hell of another meaningless and misguided run in the NFL.
Speculation started this week during a heated press conference in which Favre continually reinforced the idea that he will play again saying, “Look, I am telling you that I will never play the sport of football again. I just can’t put myself through it anymore. I wouldn’t be able to look my family in the eyes.”
Most sports analysts agree that Favre hasn’t shown this much enthusiasm for a return run since he retired from the Packers in 2007. “Brett Favre wants to play,” says Sam Byron, sport commenter for Espin Magazine. “With that much confidence he can push his sad and delusional quest for vindication on any team in the league.”
There is no way Favre will be able to satiate the giant egotistical monster that lives inside of his own mind, driving him mad with fevered delusions of grandeur, not unlike the creature Gollum in Lord of The Rings.
When pressed about which team he would suffocate next with his overblown locker room presence and excess emotional baggage, Favre sat quietly, staring at the reporter in blood chilling silence for almost a minute indicating that he probably would try for an AFC team, quite possibly the Bills.
It’s expected that Favre will come out of retirement as early as next month. Assuming that he plays for the Cincinnati Bengals, he could retire again as soon as 2011 leaving him wide open for contract negotiations with perhaps the Lions or Dolphins in 2012. This would allow him a bitter-sweet retirement and then a comeback with maybe the dilapidated Panthers or Raiders organizations.
After that, it’s anyone’s guess. He could sign with the Falcons or the Eagles and theoretically retire with dignity. Then it’s back to the Vikings for another season, a quick retirement, and yet another return to a small transplant team, the Los Angeles Packers. I don’t know about you, but I am stoked.
Edited by Mrs. Kelly
