Monthly Archives: December 2009
Internet Addiction Saves Families
“Mommy told us old daddy died a long time ago but internet daddy says she’s a liar,” remembers little Alberta Reynolds.
Filed under Editorial, High Comedy, National News
Ravens Loss Results In Lack Of Ice Cream
The Baltimore Ravens lost a detrimental game Sunday against the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the loss was primarily due to mental errors and costly 4th quarter penalties. It went without saying that head coach John Harbaugh’s promise to take the team … Continue reading
Filed under National News
In Preparation of Snowstorm, Citizens Go Out For Eggs, Cannibalism
As a major winter storm was heading towards the east coast, citizens ventured to their nearest grocery stores in hopes of stocking up on foodstuffs, which typically turned into violent bloodshed and cannibalism. The National Weather Service issued a “Winter … Continue reading
Filed under National News
For One Man, Life Peaked Atop the Aggro-Crag
Joshua Stevens, 27, of Richmond, Virginia, has claimed that his life peaked 14 years ago after winning a Nickelodeon game show called Guts. “I can’t compare it to anything else in my life, present or future,” stated Stevens, who had … Continue reading
Filed under National News
Woman Takes Time Out of Her Busy Day To Complain About How Busy She Is
Jen Szalinsky had a very busy day yesterday, but somehow was able to complain to all who came her way. Szalinsky, a 25 year old secretary for the Rollins Company, walked into the office yesterday to find a huge … Continue reading
Filed under National News
Michael Biehn to Play Military Role
Michael Biehn, the veteran actor of romantic comedies, is happy to take a change of venue and star in an action movie role. Due to release in August of next year, Michael Biehn will star in the lead role of … Continue reading
Filed under National News, Rumor Mill
Man Settles Down For Another Night of American Idol, Bullshit
By: John Hagarty, Field Reporter MONROE TOWNSHIP, NJ - Al Kemper, 27, settled in on Tuesday with his girlfriend for another night of American Idol. The series, which is in its eighth season, came down to two finalists; Kris Allen and … Continue reading
Filed under Local News
Oh, We’re So Informed!
Holiday Greetings From the Mathis Family! An Editorial by: Lucy Mathis Greetings friends and family! It’s that time of year again, where after a big Thanksgiving dinner, I sit down and write out all of my Christmas cards to … Continue reading
Filed under Editorial
