Monthly Archives: October 2009
Opportunity Knocks At Door; Mistaken For Bill Collector
Philadelphia, PA- Andrew Dovidio, 27, mistook a knock on the door yesterday morning for a bill collector, when in fact it was actually Opportunity. “Dude, I woke up to this harsh knocking,” reported the perpetually balding Andrew, “and … Continue reading
Filed under Local News
Can You Taste The Strychnine?
Hi, honey. I’m glad you stopped by. I’ve been thinking alot about what you said the other day about wanting a divorce, and I’ve finally calmed myself down enough to discuss this separation. And look! I’ve cooked us a lovely … Continue reading
Filed under Editorial, High Comedy
Sexy Nurse Wears Homemaker Outfit for Halloween
Lucinda Gabardine, 36, of Bensalem, has, like most women on Halloween, decided to get in touch with her more primal urges regarding her costume. “I like to get a little naughty this time of year,” she chuckled to Vondrook reporters. … Continue reading
Filed under Local News, National News
Larry the Cable Guy Arrested For Impersonating a Comedian
New York City, NY– Larry the Cable Guy was escorted out of Caroline’s Comedy Club in handcuffs by police officers last Thursday night after “performing” in front of a sell-out crowd. He is currently being charged with impersonating a comedian. … Continue reading
Filed under National News, Rumor Mill
D.A.R.E. Program Revamps With New ‘Reverse Psychology’ Tactic
The D.A.R.E.(Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program of the 1990′s, thought by many to be a failure, is now gearing up to have another go at the youth of America with it’s anti-drug message. Abington Township Police Chief Darryl Fleming … Continue reading
Filed under Local News
Porn Star Gone Missing After Falling Into Plot Hole
Authorities and friends of the Adult Entertainment industry have concluded another disappointing day of searching for missing porn star Veronica Vivacious after she fell into a plot hole nearly 4 days ago. “It feels as though we have exhausted all … Continue reading
Filed under Rumor Mill
Remains of ‘Maury Show’ Guest Found In Backstage Maze
After months of searching, the body of Ricky Baxterman was finally found deep in the backstage annals of the ‘Maury Show’ studio. Baxterman, 32, was a guest on the show back on September 5th, 2008, where his wife of 8 … Continue reading
Filed under Rumor Mill
That Clock Is Slow, Just Like Your Son. By: Neil Gerhard, Dean of Admissions
Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Dawkins, please have a seat. How are you on this lovely day? I take it you are here to discuss the eligibility of your son, Barry, to attend this fine university? I have perused your son’s … Continue reading
Filed under High Comedy
Autism Bumper Magnets Raise Puzzle Awareness
Due to a recent surge in magnetic bumper ribbons across the country, the “Autism Awareness” bumper ribbon has raised puzzle awareness by more than 44% in the past two years. The Autism bumper ribbon has caught the attention of motorists … Continue reading
Filed under Local News
E! Channel Celebrates 100th Countdown Show With 100 Greatest E! Channel Countdown Shows
The E! Channel will be launching it’s 100th countdown show by listing their 100 greatest countdown shows. “It’s like, awesome,” said Veronica Pladsmith, Director of Programming at E! “We are known for our celebrity countdown shows, and we’re like, super-proud … Continue reading
Filed under High Comedy, National News, Rumor Mill
